Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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