saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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