I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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