Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
