apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
