I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
