Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
