I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
