so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
