Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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