eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
