I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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