Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
