I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize