Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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