About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
