barbara walters just said penis...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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