I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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