I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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