lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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