He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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