why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
