you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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