im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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