At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
