she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
