i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize