Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
