I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
how drunk are you?
Several
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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