Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
