The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
