Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
