Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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