When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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