to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
