Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize