haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
