you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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