there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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