areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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