It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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