Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
