I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
