Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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