Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
