i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
this hospital has no fireball
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
