Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize