shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
worst night to have a conscience
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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