I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
