i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
