omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
