why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
