when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
