Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
