What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize