Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
