just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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