Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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