why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
