: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
