and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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