birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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