He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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