Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
