What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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