I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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