I take back everything I said about communal showers
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
