Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
