That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
