remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
They have beer where we have blood.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
