Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize