remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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