Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize