I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
