He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Two words: blizzard sex
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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