Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
