my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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