dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
