Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
