First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
