I faked an abortion last night.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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