Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
im six kinds of drunk right now
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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