You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
