I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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