this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
