i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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